it's all right if you're late (i'd just hope you find your way soon)
by absolutefaith
Summary: chapter 3. "One chance, Nat." (wolvista)
1. Chapter 1

_Did I mention how addicted I am with these two? It's not healthy, I mean it. I should be working right now but my mind is full of scenes with them. I already have some drabbles on my mind, so let's see what I'll do with them._

 _Wanted so bad for the show to come back but oh well. Guess I'll have to stick with what I got._

 _When I wrote this, I forgot the other adjective Natalia used. I wanted to change but then the fic was ready already and I decided to leave it like that. Sets after the events of the season 10 finale (I'm tearing up writing this), "habeas corpse"._

 _The title is from the song "Mandolin Moon", from Sister Hazel._

 _I don't own CSI: Miami (because if I did, the show would still be on and Ryan and Natalia would be together *sighs*._

* * *

"You're handsome, smart, loyal..."

She keeps playing her words over and over on her head.

After they arrested Sam for killing Josh Avery, the team went to the bar to have a drink. Then, Ryan started to complain that he'd die alone and, seeing her friend in distress, she tried to cheer him up by listing his qualities.

Now, as the taxi parks the car in front of her house, she can't stop thinking about them.

He's handsome. She noticed that as soon as she entered the lab all those years ago. She was hung up on Eric at the time, but even she couldn't deny that his boyish smirk did something with her insides.

 _Still do_ , she thinks.

He's smart. It amazes her how he's able to connect the dots so quickly and with little evidence. Not only that, but it seems like there's nothing he can't do.

She opens the door to her house with a serene smile on her face because that's her reaction every time she thinks about how loyal he is. With his girlfriends and especially with the team, that they both consider as family. How badly he treated her when he discovered that he was the mole, even if he was coming from a good place, brought a smile to her face.

She moves on autopilot, because right now her mind is full of Ryan, _Ryan_ , _Ryan_.

Then, this Sam appeared and now that she's alone with her thoughts, she can admits that she was jealous of the girl.

She was used to have all his attention to her and then she appeared and stole him from her.

Not that he was hers to begin with, but that's a matter for a different time.

She feels the water hit her skin and she has to take a deep breath as she remembers his words.

" _I'll take you right here on the table._ "

The goosebumps are on her skin even with the hot water falling down on her.

She's used to his hands. They are big and have callouses because of the guns, and they are a little dry from wearing gloves all day. But when he touches her, he's always gentle. Maybe because that's who he is, or maybe because he knows a little about her past, so he always touch her with such care that makes her heart grow two sizes.

So, as he suggested that, he left her with her imagination. And then, she asked if they could use the Hummer instead, and he only smirked at her, his eyes getting dark.

She walks to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of wine.

Thinking about it, she could easily see herself falling for him.

She turns the TV on and sits on her couch, with the bottle of wine on the center table and the glass on her hand.

Sipping on her drink, she's wondering what a relationship with Ryan would be like when she hears someone knocking on her door.

Muting the TV, she walks to her door and, looking through the peephole, she has to hold a gasp as she sees who's on the other side.

Opening the door, she has a confused frown on her face when she says, "Ryan?"

* * *

 _Reviews are appreciated!_


	2. Chapter 2

_So, first of all, I'm sorry for the delay! Real life caught up with me and I worked so much that all I wanted to do was sleep. I had this chapter partially written on my cellphone, but I didn't have the disposition to post it. So, there you go!_

 _About the chapter: I didn't review it, so there must be a lot of mistakes. Mind you, I'm Brazilian, so english is not my first language so... But I'm trying, I swear! This chapter was supposed to be a drabble but it turned out like this. I hope you guys like it!_

 _I don't own CSI: Miami (because if I did, the show would still be on and Ryan and Natalia would be together.)_

* * *

Swirling the drink on his glass, he watches as she walks away.

"What are you looking at?"

Walter asks him and turns to the direction that his friend is looking.

Natalia is entering a cab, leaving the bar.

With a knowing grin on his face, he asks, "so you never did get over her, huh?"

Ryan shrugs, looking down. "It's not like I even tried."

"But I thought you were all over Sam."

The brown haired man shrugs again, taking a sip of his glass.

"You know, maybe you should try and talk with her."

"With Sam?!" Ryan snorts at Walter's suggestion. "I tried al-"

"No, not Sam." Interrupting his friend, Walter points at the direction where Natalia went. "Her. BV."

Ryan gives a bitter laugh, "And say what? "Hey Nat, how about we try again?"" He shakes his head, "no, I don't think so."

Walter orders another drink and, as he waits, he continues, "well, not like that, but something along those lines, yeah."

"Walter, that ship has sailed and is now at the bottom of the ocean."

"Dude, even a blind man can see that you're not over her." Walter thanks the waiter that left a glass in front of him.

"Even if that was true," Ryan licks his lips before continuing, a longing look on his face, "she doesn't feel the same for me. And I'm done being rejected by women."

"You saw the way she talked about you today," the taller man says, playing with his glass, "and before you say that she was only saying what she said because she's your friend, I have a feeling that it wasn't the only reason."

Ryan looks skeptically at his friend, not believing his words.

(Even though a part of him - the bigger part, if he's being honest with himself - desperately wants it to be true).

"Yeah, well, I think you're wrong."

Walter shrugs, patting his friend's shoulder.

"Suit yourself." He takes his wallet and leave some bills on the table. "I'll say this, though: you said that you were done being rejected by women. I think that, worst than being rejected, is the feeling of missing chances."

Ryan watches as his friend walks away, pondering his words.

 **x**

Later, after he pays the bill - who would've guess that H could drink that much? - he asks for a cab to go home.

As he waits, he thinks about his last years.

He and Natalia are close. They had some misshaps but they remained strong.

He likes to think that she trusts him as much as he trusts her. He has secrets, of course he does, but when things get too complicated, he knows that he can count on her.

(He remembers when she appeared on the doorstep of the office he was sitting, with a warm look on her eyes and a sincere smile on her lips.

She sat in front of him and, without breaking eye contact, she opened a box and started to help him fill those forms after the whole gambling fiasco.

It was the first time that someone did something nice for him without expecting nothing in return. Not only that, the person who helped him was the same one that he gave the cold shoulder and bad treatment during the last two years.

Natalia is truly one of a kind.)

Sure, she's gorgeous. She has a smile that can move mountains and her eyes are a mystery to him. Sometimes, they're like an open book. Other times, they are as closed as her heart.

But the one thing that he admires about her is her resilience.

She lived through hell and she's still going strong.

Sure, there are times when she thought about giving up, but she's only human. She's allowed to have some moments of weakness.

(Besides, as long as she knows that he'll be there to catch her when she falls, he thinks it's okay for her to have those moments.)

But the smile slips from his face as he remembers Walter's words.

Why now? And why she didn't say anything?

She said that any woman would be lucky to have him. Then why, for fucks sake, she didn't step up and claimed what was hers to begin with?

His frowns deepens as he thinks about it. She has to know that he didn't forget her.

Sure, he buried his feelings because he thought that he would never have a chance with her.

But now? Now he's pissed because of all her mixed signals.

Deciding that he's not going to deal with this by himself, he asks for the cab driver to change his destination.

He reclines on his seat as he waits.

 **x**

He wakes up startled.

Looking frantically around, he sees the driver pushing his leg gently, trying to wake him up.

Not recognizing at first where he is, he's about to ask the man when he spots the familiar condo.

"Why am I-"

Before he can finish his sentence, he feels the anger he felt before falling asleep, coming back full force.

He pays the taxi driver, leaves the car and walks angrily towards her door.

He's glad that he took a nap because he feels more sober now - and he has a feeling that he would want to be at his full capacity to have the argument that he's sure he's about to have.

He knocks on her door and he waits.

Folding his arms across his chest, he turns to look at the street.

It's a quiet night. He sees that some lights are on, indicating that the families are inside, enjoying a quiet evening.

Before he can think about it further, he hears the door unlocking and turns the exact moment she hears Natalia's exclamation.

"Ryan?"

Taking a deep breath, he answers, "I need to talk with you."

* * *

 _Reviews are appreciated!_


	3. Chapter 3

_This is it, folks! The end of this little journey. There may be a epilogue for this, but I'm not sure._

 _I have two other projects (involving them, of course), so this will not be the last time you'll hear from me._

 _I didn't review it so I apologize for any mistakes._

 _I don't own CSI: Miami (because if I did, the show would still be on and they would be together living their happily ever after._

* * *

She opens the door for him to enter.

"Sorry for the mess, but I wasn't expect-"

"Why did you say that?"

She looks startled at him, after locking the door behind her. "I'm sorry?"

"Why did you say that any woman would be lucky to have me?"

She bites her lower lip, pondering on what she's about to say. Taking the easy way out, she answers, "because it's true. Any woman would be lucky to have you."

Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say because he looks even angrier.

"Then why didn't you?" He almost screams at her and, as he sees the confused frown on her face, he continues, "C'mon Natalia, stop playing dumb with me. You know what I'm talking about."

She takes a step closer to him and says in a low voice. "I get that you're angry but if you came here to yell at me and says things like that, I'll have to ask you to leave."

He distances himself from her, walking towards one of her windows. Taking a deep breath to collect his thoughts, he says, "I'm sorry. It's just that I don't understand."

Taking pity on him, she sits on her couch, picking her glass of wine. "Then talk with me. Stop yelling and throwing sentences expecting me to understand them."

"You know how I feel about you. You know that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to take us to the next level. And when I tried, you pushed me away." He sits next to her and puts his head on his hands. "I thought that this ship had sailed, and I accepted the fact that you would never be mine. Then, you say things like that and you make me wonder."

She nods, unable to say anything because she knows that she wasn't being fair to him.

"But the thing is, Nat," he turns his head to look at her and it scares her the vulnerability that she can see on his eyes, "I'm done. I don't want to play games with you anymore. I don't want any hidden messages. This dance that we are doing? It has to stop."

The brunette nods again, because she agrees with him. She's done with it too.

"You're not going to say anything?"

He feels his heart sink on his chest. She's about to turn him down - just like he knew she would.

"Before Sam," she says in a quiet voice without looking at him, "I knew that you'd always be there. It wasn't fair of me, I know, but I knew. So I was taking my time. After Nick, after Eric, I was afraid to put myself out there, again."

"But Natalia, I would never do anything to hurt you. Not intentionally."

She's looking at the ceiling when she answers. "I know that, Ryan. Consciously, I know. But really, after everything, can you blame me for not trusting my heart to anyone, anymore?"

He shakes his head because he can't.

"And then, Sam appeared and I thought that you finally had given up on me. So I took a step back and decided that you needed to be happy, even if it wasn't with me."

She takes a sip of her glass before continuing, "then the whole fiasco happened and I thought that you needed to know that yes, you are worth it and yes, anyone would be lucky to have you."

It's a silver lining, he thinks. He tries to contain the hope that's blooming on his chest. "Even you?"

One heartbeat.

Two.

"Even me."

He swallows hard and turns his body to fully face her. She's still not looking at him and he can't understand why.

"What now, then?"

His heart is thundering on his chest and he wonders if she can hear it. His hands are shaking, and he wants more than anything else to just hold her.

"Now we continue with our lives as if this never happened."

She stands and walks to her kitchen, leaving a baffled Ryan behind her.

It takes a moment for her words to sink but, when they do, he runs after her. "What?"

She has her arms crossed over chest, a sad smile on her lips. "I'd be lucky to have you, yes. But you wouldn't be lucky to have me."

There's her kitchen counter between them. He decides to leave it like that because he's afraid that she might run if he tries to come closer to her.

"And why is that?"

Her voice is so broken when she replies that makes his heart break. "Because I'm damaged, Ryan. I'm old and I'm damaged and you don't deserve it."

He slaps his hands on her counter, making her jump. "Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"

She doesn't respond and, before he can regret his decision, he rounds the counter, stopping in front of her.

"One chance, Nat." He holds her upper arms afraid that she might leave. "All I'm asking is one chance to prove I'd be lucky to have you."

She's quiet and he decides to take a different approach.

"You forget that I'm damaged too. I had my own demons to fight, but I'm still here, trying."

He can see that her resolve is crumbling.

"I'll hurt you. I'll keep things from you, not because I want you, but because I don't know how not to."

He shrugs. "I'll just have to be patience with you."

He moves his arms a little as she uncrosses her arms, letting them fall on her sides. He doesn't let go.

"I'm disorganized."

He smiles at her. "I'll be the organized one for us."

He lets go of her arms only to hold both of her hands.

"One chance, Nat." He murmurs, closing the distance between them.

He stops, just before his mouth came in contact with hers. He'll let her decide, even if it means another heartbreak for him.

When she kisses him, it's soft. There's not fireworks nor music on the background.

Instead, there's a feeling of righteousness, of things finally falling into place. There's a sensing of belonging, of home.

When they break apart, her hands are resting on his shoulders while his arms are hugging her waist, scared that she might disappear.

"Are you sure?" There's still uncertainty in her voice.

He responds her with a kiss, tightening his hold on her.

* * *

 _Reviews are appreciated!_


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